I'm counting minutes
       Instead of memorizing the lines of your face,
Looking towards the heavens,
                   Out towards space,
                               Instead of into your eyes.


I'm spinning in a tumble towards a downward slope.
I'm sinking in a rowboat in a sea of self-doubt.
I'm searching in a dark room for the answers I've heard about.

I'm listening to music
                Instead of hearing your voice,
panting in my ear as we become unclothed,
                          I'm touching skin
                                   But it's only my own.

How long must we continue this game of cat and mouse?
I'm darting in and out, barely escaping the traps.
I'm drowning in lack of oxygen even as I stand still.

I'm holding my breath
                    Instead of breathing in you,
The scent of a smoke-filled room
                           Not being able to compare
                                       To the sweet smell of a sweat-soaked body.

I'm losing patience in the distance a landscape has built between us.
I'm pondering exit routes when I should be exploring entrances.
I'm crying with tears of loneliness instead of giggling in happiness.

I'm sitting in a room of silence
                  Instead of by your side,
where your beating heart echoes in my ear,
                          and I realize you're all I need,
                                       But I'm needing you here.


I'm counting wishes
when I should be counting blessings,
Hoping I've touched the star
That will make all my dreams come true.

So I'm not praying
                  Instead talking to you.